Non-conflict

2026-02-27

I think I have learned about myself that I am pretty anti-conflict, in a lot of ways.

The other day I was sitting on BART going to SF and there seemed to be a mentally ill person on the train nearby. He was sleeping at first, he did not smell great, but after a few stops he got up and ran around the train for a little bit. He then ran outside, back into the train, and eventually got off at a station. He did have a knife, he didn’t talk to me or make eye contact with me at all, but I felt anxious while he ran around the train.

I am also anxious when people are mad at me. Sometimes it is Sneha, my family, my friends. Even when people are annoyed at each other, lets take my friends for example, when they are annoyed at each other I sometimes get anxious. Why? I dunno? I want my friends to not be mad at each other and for some reason I have a small bit of anxious when they are.

And I think this is just due to the shape of my brain, my silly silly brain. I know there are people that dont care at all, lots of my family are in the camp that don’t mind if someone is mad at them.

It is something I have to deal with and learn from. I am trying to be more accepting of others and to draw boundaries. I dont have full control over my friends or family or Sneha. Sometimes they will be mad at me. And sometimes conflict is necessary, people need it to grow and learn. There are certain types of conflict that are better than others, especially for growing, and I will focus on trying to have those types.

-Gary