Stoic Lessons - Two Handles

2026-09-15

My favorite lesson from the stoics was the ‘Memento Mori’ or the ‘You will die’ phrase, it helps me remember not to get to high on anything. But this is my second and I probably use it more the the first one, it is applicable to more situations.

Before I paraphrase you could read this blog to understand it more: https://ryanholiday.net/two-handles/

Honestly it is a better blog than this one.

But I am going to try to summarize the ‘two handles’ lesson which is: For every situation you can look at it from a positive angle or a negative angle. I didn’t (and still don’t) quite understand the handles in which to grab the situation but I think it kind of means perceive. So I might rephrase it as, there are two lenses in which you can view every situation and I think the example the stoic philosopher gives (you can read it here: https://medium.com/practical-rationality/epictetus-picking-things-up-by-the-right-handle-4aa7dcbac30f) is:

Epictetus says in Enchiridion 43:

Everything has two handles, by one of which it ought to be carried, and by the other not. If your brother wrongs you, do not lay hold of the matter by the handle of the wrong that he is doing, because this is the handle by which the matter ought not to be carried, but rather by the other handle — that he is your brother, and that you were brought up together. And then you will be laying hold of the matter by the handle by which it ought to be carried.

And it is interesting to think about, I have a brother. If he stole from me I could think:

or from a different lens:

I think this is what the philosopher Epictetus was getting at. And I feel this is cliche but the default lens in the first one. I am inside of my brain and in my head and things are happening to me. Why do bad things happen to me? Why don’t only good things happen to me?

I lost my job, my start up failed, I have lower back pain, my kids won’t sleep at night sometimes, why have I been cursed so. These are all real issue I have had recently. And it is really easy to go through life thinking like this, looking through this lens, grabbing life by this handle.

But I think he argues that you can try to look at life through another lens, where you focus on different things. And it is the same scenario, take for instance: have no job right now. I am making $0 a month, but also I get to lean in to raising kids and supporting my lovely wife, I am focusing on my health a little more, I am cleaning my house more, I have time to job hunt. Again this is 100% the same thing, I am in the same place in my life, but I am focusing on the positives and giving myself some grace.

Another example, I hurt my lower back pretty bad a few months ago and am only now recovering. And it was not fun, I limped around for at least a month, I have gone to multiple doctor appointments to try to help, and now I am stuck doing exercises every week to try to improve the situation. But if I reach for another handle, I finally got a wake up call that I need to slow down a little, focus on my health, do exercise.

Hopefully I can keep trying to look at things through different lenses and grab situations by different handles. Hopefully my brother never steals from me so I won’t have to worry about that scenario.

-Gary