Feeling Too Good

2026-05-18

I love my life a lot. Some days I am sad and I am sure there are both light and dark days ahead for me. But today is one of those days that I like my life a lot, I can feel the gratitude. I am healthy, my immediate family is healthy, they like me for the most part, my extended family is happy and healthy, I love my friends and they are pretty happy and healthy, I like my job a lot, I live in a nice place, etc. etc.

But sometimes I worry when I think this way that the god of irony will swoop down and kill everyone I love, or strike me down with cancer or a heart attack, (one of my Uncles died in such a way). And I know know know, mentally, that this is not true, life is pretty random and cancer doesn’t care about if you feel good about yourself or not, biology doesn’t care about your feelings. But in my heart, in the non rational parts of my brain, I fear feeling too good about my life.

I wrote the above yesterday. Today the feeling has gone away and I feel more normal, more towards the middle of the road. I have some days that are above average, like yesterday, and some days that are lower than average. The swings aren’t too wild, I imagine being bipolar has wild swing that get out of hand. It is hard for me to even imagine depression or being bipolar.

Ugh my brain is no longer working. I will read and sleep soon.

-Gary